Parenting: How to cope Sibling Rivalry.

Sibling means one of two or more individual having one common parents. in short brother and sister.




Rivalry means the act of rivaling, state of being rival, competition. its a battle, conflict, confrontation any kind of competition between the two person in one thing or topic.
Sibling Rivalry, a competition of brother, sister or brother, to brother or sister to sister.

The reason of sibling rivalry is Gender... Something that they both like even it's not appropriate to their gender, example, a doll its not for a boy but his brother like it so much, it comes that the boy grab it and run away from her sister, there is a side effect of that if the parent let it happen that their son play a doll,, maybe someday he become a gay. if that happen they become rival in girls things. so, we parents must give what is appropriate to their Gender. while they are young with a proper explanation. if they are both girls or both boy give the a fair things, fair love and attention.

Age gap... also cause by sibling rivalry, sometime the older who been spoiled for the time that he has no brother or sister yet, he got all the attention of his parents because he is just the only one, but when they become two, there is the start of rivalry and jealousy as well, there a time that the older hurt the younger because of jealousy. the older thought he has already a rival to their parents attention. in that lets give then fair attention and explain to the older why his younger sibling need more attention, explain to the older his role as a older brother or sister.

Another is Temperament.... characteristic, mood of emotion, the one is sensitive or silent type, the other one is noisy or disorderly if they live in one room always in fight because of temperament. teach then to understand each other they are sibling they must understand the character of each other.

Adult Sibling Rivalry....when they old they still bring the rivalry even they have their owned family, one reason when their parents give something to the one but the other one has nothing, sometimes their parents favorite the children of the one but the other one is not, in the bible, 

"In the course of time Cain brought to the Lord an offering of the fruit of the ground, and Abel also brought of the firstborn of his flock and of their fat portions. And the Lord had regard for Abel and his offering, but for Cain and his offering he had no regard. So Cain was very angry, and his face fell. The Lord said to Cain, “Why are you angry, and why has your face fallen? If you do well, will you not be accepted? And if you do not do well, sin is crouching at the door. Its desire is for you, but you must rule over it.” Cain spoke to Abel his brother. And when they were in the field, Cain rose up against his brother Abel and killed him" (Genesis 4:3-8)

What happen to Cain and Abel can be happen to any sibling, we must guide our children of what they doing, we should be aware of the feeling of our child to their brother or sister if we seen them, sound like they have a conflict, we must take an action before it too late.

Favoritism....can cause also of Sibling rivalry, in the bible "Isaac who had a taste for wild game love Esau but Rebekah loved Jacob" (Genesis 25:28) because of this our children become clever, no respect for each other because of us parents like when Jacob steal the blessing of his father that must be for Esau,

"When Isaac was old and his eyes were dim so that he could not see, he called Esau his older son and said to him, “My son”; and he answered, “Here I am.” He said, “Behold, I am old; I do not know the day of my death. Now then, take your weapons, your quiver and your bow, and go out to the field and hunt game for me, and prepare for me delicious food, such as I love, and bring it to me so that I may eat, that my soul may bless you before I die.” 

Now Rebekah was listening when Isaac spoke to his son Esau. So when Esau went to the field to hunt for game and bring it, Rebekah said to her son Jacob, “I heard your father speak to your brother Esau, ‘Bring me game and prepare for me delicious food, that I may eat it and bless you before the Lord before I die. ’ 

Now therefore, my son, obey my voice as I command you. Go to the flock and bring me two good young goats, so that I may prepare from them delicious food for your father, such as he loves. And you shall bring it to your father to eat, so that he may bless you before he dies.” But Jacob said to Rebekah his mother, “Behold, my brother Esau is a hairy man, and I am a smooth man. Perhaps my father will feel me, and I shall seem to be mocking him and bring a curse upon myself and not a blessing.” His mother said to him, “Let your curse be on me, my son; only obey my voice, and go, bring them to me.” So he went and took them and brought them to his mother, and his mother prepared delicious food, such as his father loved. 

Then Rebekah took the best garments of Esau her older son, which were with her in the house, and put them on Jacob her younger son. And the skins of the young goats she put on his hands and on the smooth part of his neck. And she put the delicious food and the bread, which she had prepared, into the hand of her son Jacob. 

So he went in to his father and said, “My father.” And he said, “Here I am. Who are you, my son?” Jacob said to his father, “I am Esau your firstborn. I have done as you told me; now sit up and eat of my game, that your soul may bless me.” But Isaac said to his son, “How is it that you have found it so quickly, my son?” He answered, “Because the Lord your God granted me success.” 

"Then Isaac said to Jacob, “Please come near, that I may feel you, my son, to know whether you are really my son Esau or not.” So Jacob went near to Isaac his father, who felt him and said, “The voice is Jacob's voice, but the hands are the hands of Esau.” And he did not recognize him, because his hands were hairy like his brother Esau's hands. So he blessed him. He said, “Are you really my son Esau?” He answered, “I am.” Then he said, “Bring it near to me, that I may eat of my son's game and bless you.” So he brought it near to him, and he ate; and he brought him wine, and he drank." (Gen 27:1-43)

For that reason Esau angry with Jacob, because of favoritism from their parents. or because we are favorite by our parent be become strong to fight our brother because we have a dependent, it should not be like this for the parent, we should refrain from favoritism, remember they are both our children.

We, parents are here to guide them to bring the to the love of God who is our real parents, we are just an instrument by God to take care his creation, we should not bring our children to destruction cause by our wrong manners of how we guide them in this world. they come here without knowledge or anything but life coming from God, we are the one who make them to become a man from infant until they become old, if they become bad we are the one who will be blamed.

We must have an Open communication...parents should be first to listen to the child, show them that we love them fairly how many they are. don't show favoritism so they didn't feel they are different from each other. they wont say, "my parents love my younger brother than me" always tell them to love each other, its not good if they fight each other, no one will help each other but they are only. build a strong relationship of sibling that even they have there own family they must still love each other, its natural that in our child there is a what we call black sheep and there's also a good one, the important is show them that we are fair to all of them even one become bad he still their brother or sister.

Teach them that Sibling are forever... whatever happen they are sibling like Joseph even he trowed and sell by his brother to the stranger, Joseph didn't keep a hatred to his brother, in time of trouble and his brothers suffered, Joseph help them and save them from famine, Joseph has all the chance to take revenge but instead he cry and come to them to help.

"But Joseph said to them, “Do not fear, for am I in the place of God? As for you, you meant evil against me, but God meant it for good, to bring it about that many people should be kept alive, as they are today. So do not fear; I will provide for you and your little ones.” Thus he comforted them and spoke kindly to them. (ESV) (Gen 50:19-21) Joseph show that whatever happen they are sibling forever, they are family

The parents are the one who make the child of what they become. there's no sibling rivalry if we rise them in good and in proper way, let's rise them with fear in God. lead them in a good way. have a family get together especially in prayer time, have a family devotional prayer and going to church together to worship our God, its build a strong relationship in the family as well as strong relationship to the Father God.